R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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