he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
