When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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