i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
