last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
