Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
