did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
