I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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