i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
