At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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