Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
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