i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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