if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
