they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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