Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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