So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
