I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
