Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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