It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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