the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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