How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
