you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you didnt know i had herpes?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
