Plan B is the new Plan A
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
