it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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