If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
