??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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