Whoa Z and x make the same sound
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
