Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
