Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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