You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
He told me they were just razor bumps!
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
