I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
