seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
