So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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