We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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