A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone š
Having Fatherās Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. āHey dad just calling to say I love you.ā While Iām navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Fatherās Day.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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