We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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