The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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