girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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