32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
