I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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