I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
