I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i already hear my dad disowning me
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
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