i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
