I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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