i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
