never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
