i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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