too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
