i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
