It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
