the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
