Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
There's even glitter on my cock...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
