We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
