Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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