Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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