He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
