i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
