Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
