there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
