please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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